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In Home Startups

Satire

Top Ten Startups (In My House)

My son asked me the other day what business I would start if I had the opportunity.  Never mind that I have started multiple businesses and exited them successfully without monetary reward. I indulged him with a wry smile and responded with a question, “Why?”. He didn’t answer the question, but it’s clear he is thinking about money. He recently started his own in-home laundry service to make ends meet (they meet in his stomach). His mother. three sisters and ! are his only clients. This got me thinking – what other startups exist within my home that we could potentially scale to other markets and exit for no money? Here is the list.

  1. Slime Peddlers 

If you have kids, then chances are they make slime.  My girls make slime like it is their job and part of me wishes they would start peddling their wares lemonade stand style. So, we built a website. Order online at slime.time.

  1. Pandemic Therapy Counselors Office

If you have questions about how to handle pandemic issues when they arise, then we have your answer. Our 18 month wait and see-while-worrying-intensely program is guaranteed to help.

  1. Dog Sitter

Just bring your dog over so mine will leave me alone.

  1. Interior Re(Design)

Send me pictures of your house because I haven’t been out of mine for at least 6 months. I will suggest improvements for a nominal fee.  It will more than likely result in you spending additional money at that store my wife likes.

  1. Covid Tracing Math Specialist

Chances are you have been exposed at one point in time to Covid-19. Who were you with on the night in question? Were they wearing a mask? How close were you? Was there anyone else there? Ok you don’t have to quarantine but your son does until 10 days after first exposure unless he shows symptoms. Then the rest of you would stay home for 14 days and then 3 days after with no fever. Whichever comes first.

  1. Restaurant Support Foundation

Yeah, we eat out a lot, but we also know a lot of restaurant owners that are struggling. Order out if you can. 

  1. Front lawn demolition

If you need a family to come over and trample down the grass in your yard, then do I have the crew for you. Satisfaction guaranteed*.

*Guarantee only covers front yard. Additional Yards cost extra. Taxes and data rates may apply. 

  1. Firepit Friends

For a small fee (usually beer money) my family will come over and drink by your firepit. You don’t even need to be there. Of course you are more than welcome to stay as long as you like provided you are socially distanced and not awkward like my neighbor Dan. 

  1. Elder Neighbor Assistance and Moving

If your elderly neighbor needs yard work, an ottoman taken upstairs, or help moving to Iowa, then have we got a service for you. We do provide our services across the country so if you know anyone in California or maybe Washington DC that needs help moving, then give us a call.

  1. Weird Smell Producers

Frankly, I am not sure where the smells come from or how to get them out, but if that is your thing we will show up with backpacks, shoes, Axe body spray, some god awful lavender-scented candle my mother-in-law bought. We will gladly drop them off for a small fee. If you need a reason to wear a mask, let our smells be that reason.  But seriously wear a mask.

If you like to laugh then check out all our startup satire here!

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